Loot.

My relationship has a fatal flaw. Not to be dramatic or anything, but seriously. Fatal.

Every gift giving holiday I ponder and squirm and wrack my brain as to what to get Geoff. And yes, I'm aware at this juncture I should know what to get the man but honestly it boils down to one thing. I hate him. Just kidding that's not the thing. The thing is, I HATE giving practical gifts. I like superfluous, random, silly gifts that make the person roll their eyes and laugh.

And Geoff could not possibly be more pragmatic and tasteful.

This goes back a long way. For our second anniversary I gave him a toy norwhal (yes its a real animal, look it up) that could use its magical tusk to spear small animals (pre-speared toy koala and seal included). Seeing it on the shelf made me snort involuntarily and embarrass myself in public, so I knew I was on the right track.

Imagine my surprise when my sugar daddy pulls out a jewelry box containing a singularly beautiful and expensive watch that if I were to pick out any watch in the whole world it would be the one in that box. Well shit. We all know who cares more don't we?

Anyway, since then I have gotten pretty neurotic trying to get Geoff gifts that he wont try to pass off as something given to him by a retarded nephew. This Christmas I once again pondered and squirmed and wracked my brains and got him a bunch of HBO series on DVD. Because John Adams is educational and historically accurate and Laura Linney is seriously hot for someone her age. I didn't snort when I saw it, and it didn't make the guy ringing me up laugh and shake his head so I figured I was in the clear.

And this morning I headed to the UPS store to pick up what I soon discovered was a singularly beautiful and expensive leather bag. Dammit Geoff. If I cant win, I'm going to go back and see if they make any other norwhals.