At Least I Didnt Get Him Addicted to Crack.

My heart sinks deep into my belly whenever I see puffy rosy baby cheeks. I get irresistible urges to snack on chubby, munchy little baby knees and elbows. Just the sight of tiny onesies and miniature converse makes my voice reach this insane decibel in which I INVOLUNTARILY COO. And the smell of baby makes my ovaries quiver.

All of these things are true. In fact, Geoff likes to tell people that I am prone to stealing their offspring. Fair? No. But likely.

So with all of these truths, all of these admitions, you think I would make a really awesome mother right? Like the kind of really, really, kick.ass. mom that Dr. Phil and Oprah call to write articles about balancing career and motherhood?

Because I got to work about three hours ago and realized I HAVE NOT FED SIMON SINCE YESTERDAY MORNING.