And Then My Heart Dropped Out of My Butt.

Being a generally productive and yet alarmingly naive member of society, I paid my taxes.

I saved my W-2 without the ado of last year, an adventure that required me to dumpster dive for the first and preferably last time in my life. But, being a quick learner, I opened that puppy and put it straight into the "vitally important" stack of mail on my entry table. Its the stack right next to the "not as important" and "coupons for things I might like to eat someday" stacks. I am nothing if not organized.

And in true testament to my adulthood, I didn't just leave that form in the dis-appropriately named stack to be discovered months later while searching for a long forgotten gift certificate. No. I actually used the damn thing to fill out government paperwork. Ok. I lie. I sent it to my Dad. Yes. The man still does my taxes. What?

The point is, I got the W2 to the appropriate tax paying receptical, and sat back waiting for my refund. Because given that my monthly paycheck shows me how much has been appropriated, and that amount is roughly the sum I used to get paid in my intern days, I assumed the ole GovT was done with me. And you know what assuming does. Makes an ASS out of the ME that thought she was getting a grip of REFUND.

I got an email from my Dad's tax woman (it sounds kinky but it isn't) asking me several questions, since this year has brought her the added joy of doing Geoff's taxes too. And I blithely hit "reply", chuckling to myself about all the Cadbury Eggs and sunless tanner I would buy with my refund. Until I got to the end of her message. And here is where today's post title comes in. My heart dropped out of my butt (a place it is never meant to drop out of) as I read that I OWED a substantial amount. OWED. ME. OWED. NO REFUND. Heart. In. Butt.

I hate taxes and I hate the government and Im pretty sure I want to delorean my ass (and subsequently attached heart) back to a time when April brought me things like refunds and Cadbury eggs and sunless tanner. Instead of what Im stuck in now, which is an April where I CANNOT AFFORD ANY CADBURY EGGS. What the hell Obama? I voted for your ass. Least you could do is kick me a refund.